some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
