I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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