I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
