i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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