every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
