i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
