Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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