My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
No subtext here. People are naked.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
