You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
