Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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