you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
