He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
