Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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