I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
