And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
