if i died would you start the facebook group?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
