I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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