atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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