She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
