I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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