Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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