im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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