just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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