she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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