I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
My bed smells like the plague
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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