I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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