i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Randomize
