I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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