So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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