I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
