The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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