rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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