I cockslap morals
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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