Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
