fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
