dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
