It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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