You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
