i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I want to be your penis for a week.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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