So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
