Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
