the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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