i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
