the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
