I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just had sex on a roof
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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