You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
