His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
