I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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