my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
