He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
