Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
