You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
