I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
