i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
